Butterflies.

As I woke up early again today, with butterflies in my stomach and thoughts on my mind. It had me thinking, is this all worth it? With another workshop less than two weeks away and other plans on the horizon, there have been some uncomfortable feelings, early wake ups, fuller days and a fuller mind. I couldn’t help but wonder, wouldn’t it be easier if I just didn’t do these things?

And then the answer came. Yes it would be easier - at first. I wouldn’t have butterflies, I would have more time, I wouldn’t be feeling these uncomfortable feelings. And then it would be hard. Because it’s hard to do the thing, but it’s also hard to not do the thing. The feelings are still uncomfortable, they are just different. Feelings of stagnancy. Feelings of regret. A lack of purpose. A different kind of anxiety. Life is hard any way you choose.

And I’d trade this hard for that hard any day. Because this hard is leading me somewhere I want to go. This hard is filling my soul.

And the reason why it feels hard is because I care. I care so much.

And along with the butterflies in my tummy, there’s excitement in my heart. And maybe the butterflies are there to remind me of that.